“Repeat after me: You were made to survive. Every single part of you, every single perceived flaw and every single aspect of who you are, was made with the intention of defying the odds. You were bred from tough, celestial pieces of this world, and therefore it will never be able to defeat you.”
“You deserve moments of pure and in-tense happiness, the kind that make you feel your heart beating against your chest, the kind that dizzy you and make you realize that everything will be okay, that you will be okay. You deserve to be chosen. You deserve to be loved the way you love others. At the end of the day, you deserve to be inspired by your life.”
Being loved openly and clearly builds the most uniquely beautiful connections. At the end of the day, nothing is more attractive than someone who stands firmly in front of you and chooses you. At the end of the day, nothing is more comforting than the kind of love that grows from certainty and conviction — no games, just presence.
“Because at the end of the day, if someone does not meet you where you are, you cannot keep asking them to do so. If someone cannot reciprocate your love, if someone cannot give you what you truly deserve, you have to understand that aching for them to do so be-fore they are ready is a form of self-destruction. Your heart is a vast and tender thing; you cannot keep try-ing to shrink it into what someone else needs. You cannot keep pouring your love into a vessel that can-not contain it. You cannot keep pouring your love into a soul that has not opened their eyes to all that they are receiving. You cannot keep pouring your love into a heart that is closed off to it. It will only leave you empty. You have to walk away. You have to let this person grow on their own terms, because you can’t love someone into their potential. You can’t love someone into being ready. They have to do that on their own.”
~ A Gentle Reminder by Bianca Sparacino ✨
Since this morning, our home has been filled with silent heartbreak. Nothing could have adequately prepared us for the day we would have to bid our farewell our dearest dog, Margarita. She has crossed the rainbow bridge due to old age. I don’t wish to write about the pain we are feeling, but rather to remember Maggie as the amazing dog she was.
–
To my Maggie, this video tribute, which I made hours after you passed away, does not adequately express the love you have shown me over the past 10 years and 5 months. You were always there to keep me calm, safe, and, most of all, as my favorite four-legged companion at home. Your paw was always open, like a hand to hold, and your warmth was always present when I needed a hug. You gave me a decade-long lesson of living in the moment.
On your last night, I told you that I will always love you and what a good friend you had been and that it was okay if you needed to go. I tried to desperately snapshot the feeling of your fur beneath my hands, knowing it would be the last time but wishing it were not, all in the same moment.
I will know without a doubt that I had the honor of caring for the best dog to ever exist. Nothing was left unsaid. You know how much you were loved by our family. We hope to recover from this painful transition little by little with Alfonso & Mollie by our side. Do not worry about the tears falling from my eyes, they are not of sadness, because I know all your pain has been taken away.
I have been watching over you for most of your life, and now it is your turn to do the same for me again, but this time from above. Until we meet again, Maggie! ✨🌈
An Open Letter to Myself (2018)
Dear self,
It’s me, you.
This letter waited long enough to be written. So now, it’s time. First off, I would like to apologize for assuming that you were always okay. I’m sorry for not noticing when you were putting on a brave face for everyone else’s sake. I know life has been tough for you this 2018 so thank you for standing still. You know, I am extremely proud that you managed to survive through with a courageous smiling face until now. Thank you for showing strength, courage, and fortitude every single day. You’re really a fighter! A cute little fighter, Jam. *winks! * FIGHTING!
Thank you for trying to live your life – no matter how unpredictable and messy it can be. I know you are not sure of your direction, or what you are going to do long-term in life. The clock is running way too fast but it’s okay don’t get pressured. You’ll shine in time. Just wait and see, darling. Thank you for the random beautiful things you do that go unnoticed, for the sincere prayers you say to the ones you love, for the compromises you make and for the silly things you do to make people smile. Also, don’t forget to acknowledge and thank all your favorite people who go out of their way to show they need you in their life and they really care for you.
I’m thankful for 2018 because it made you realized that life shouldn’t be figured out before it’s lived. Rather, life should be lived and we figure things out while we’re at it. I’m proud that you had your first job this year but chose to resign for the sake of your health. I’m also grateful for your new found friends and colleagues this year. I’m also glad that you found another go-to gal to brighten up and save your day.
In 2019, I hope you get to travel to places. I hope there are weekends where you get to pack your bags and go backpacking to towns or cities you’ve never seen alone or with your favorite persons. And I hope on those short trips you get to meet more people, understand more cultures, and take more pictures and selfies, not to brag to the social media but to keep for yourself so you’ll have something to smile about when you’re down and exhausted.
Lastly, on your not-so-good days this 2019, remember that He loves you. All your diseases hold a true blessing inside them. Every disease that you have is a true blessing for you. I believe that every suffering that you feel is a blessing in disguise. Just keep your faith; all shall be well in time. You have got through this far. So please continue to be strong and soft-hearted.
You are always loved, by me. xoxo
Love always,
Me
12.31.18 //
Stop being that friend who is always ready for anyone who asked for help or for company. Tell them that if they really wanted this friendship with you, they need understand that they are SUPPOSED TO BE THERE for you too.
Stop getting out of your way to accommodate a friend in need. Tell them you could help, but they need to understand you have a life too. A life you’re struggling too. A struggle none even lends a hand or an ear.
I’m back.
“Even though I feel like I should be scared, I seem more curious about what love really means and what loving you will be like or if you will love me back at all.” — Ashlee Valentin
“The pain gets so bad I wish that I wouldn’t just go to sleep and die.”— Anon with Chronic Pain
I honestly can’t live like this.
This isn’t living.
It’s not fair.
How do I continue like this? Overextending my physical capabilities to keep up with simple daily routines?
How can I treat my chronic pain if it’s invisible to everyone else?
Swallowing my pain and suffering so deep and so alone I feel like there’s an anchor pulling my body down to bottom of a deep lake. Inundated into cold, black oblivion.
just keep s i n k i n g just keep
s
i
n
k
i
n
g
I look fine. I look capable. I’m young.
How do I finally accept I’m disabled and treat this body like the broken piece of
shitit is if I look fine. I look capable. I’m young.I’ll never be okay. I’ll never be painfree.
What’s the use?
Chronic
When you have a chronic condition
Like fibromyalgia,
RA, DDD, IBS,
Psoriasis, ME,
Migraines,
or cancer,
You know…
It’s long term
A rollercoaster ride
Of remission and flare-ups
Fatigue is here to stay
Pain is the new mainstay
Nausea and
Bowel distress never rest
Adjustments must be made
Diet rearranged
Your life will change
Stretches in the trenches
Medications multiply
Itchy burning skin
Flashes of rashes
Recurrent
Everyone acts as an expert
On YOUR chronic disorder
Offering unwanted advice
From alternative medicine
To gluten free diet
To massage therapy
To yoga
Others demand…
“You don’t look sick!”
Because
You still smile
Through the throbbing,
Tormenting, stinging
Pain
You continue to laugh
Through the constant
burning,
The queasy, the uneasy,
The bloats
And the floats
The constant need
To sleep
Light stings sight
Sound abounds all around
Scents suck you into
A downward spiral
Even a light touch
Feels too much
…when you have a chronic condition.
Copyright by Arlene L. Perez on August 40, 2018
“It feels like a metal clamp has been holding my neck in one position for hundreds of years and little devils are in my neck grinding my vertebrae together until the bone degrades.”— Anonymous with Cervical Kyphosis
I feel you #CervicalKyphosisWarrior
I’m so weak since Monday. Huuuu 4 freakin’ days huhu ayaw ko ma hospital ulit
